Shitty Week Screenshots I Screenshat To Evidence Shiteness

In the name of the Holy Ozzy, The Lemmy & the Jimi, I hereby REBUKE this week, its bizarreness  and fuckery draped in a 40 hour contract, and I hereby sanctify my future weeks against any more wierd ass shit. Ave Motorhead ! *throws Holy Whiskey*

For the Lord Windows 7 (and its Snipping Tool) are my witnesses, I have screenshat some of the office shizzle for posterity, and evidence to be brought up when I eventually let go of my mind and my clothes, and run away naked towards Russell Brand's house for an ad hoc application to a goth concubine job in his harem.

Day 2 - Casual Convo Between Two Humans Who Literally Met Professionally 10 Hours Ago.

 Day 3- Where I Come to Terms and Address my Nobility.

 Day 3 - Where The Soon to be Ex-Colleague (grey)  makes the Newbies Wet Themselves.

Day 4 - Where The Soon to be Ex-Colleague (black) Makes the Newbies Shit Themselves.

 Day 4 - Where The Newbies Wipe Themselves and Decide to Drink Into Oblivion.

Day 5 - Part 1 - Where The Newbies Wind Themselves Up Into Constipation.

Day 5 was so fucking insane, it needs its own post. It also requires a special shamanic ceremony, involving a call upon the Fermented Spirits and a special shout out to my Power Animal, the Famous Grouse.

All Hail Bloody Mary!

Dude, Where's My Car(eer)?

Revelations, Book 3, Chapter of the Motley Crüe, Book of Lemmy.

Day 1 of New Job.

8.30am. Nervous Newbies (myself and Cool Colleague) formally introduced to the Company's members of staff, currently comprising of 4 people. Nervous Newbies left to witness and rot for the next 3 hours in an atmosphere so tense, that both were actually expecting Bruce Willis to come, detonate a farty bomb and serve us the actual slices of awkward with an extra bit of uncomfortable silence on top.

Nervous Newbies are left to lunch on their own, gazing into their £6.50 London Salad, covered in grease and smothered in TotalJobs.com lies.

In a sobering moment of  'Fuck social expectations, Imma say what I think about this shit', they exchange the simple words : 'Dude.What. The. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck??!???'

Day 2 of New Job.

Narcoleptic Newbies bond over the synchronised eye-rolling their respective eyeballs launch into upon the viewing and listening of the induction material, most of it dating from Moses' times - pre Hollywood days.

Narcoleptic Newbies bitch on their way to the coffee machine and realise :

Day 3 of New Job.

Numb Newbies talk about drinking alcohol at 8.35am.

Numb Newbies talk about jumping off the windows at 9.18am.

Numb Newbies talked into not talking by a managerial stare so powerful, it cancelled Bruce Willis' second scheduled visit, and replaced it with a visit from Silent Bob.

Day 4 of New Job. 

Neurotic Newbies get cracking. Gather intelligence through internet sleuthing and bribing of soon to be ex-colleague with a Chicken Butterfly meal at Nandos.

1. Over the last 7 months, 3 people have left a workforce which was comprising of a grand total of 7 people; thus indicating an exodus more intense than what happens when Nickelback plays in a rock club.
2. Out of the defectors:
•  One left a scathing online review of the company, notably indicating that the manager was the Second Coming of Hannibal Lecter crossed with Barbra Streisand. Said review also indicated a tendency for the Owner to mould his behaviour on Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars.
•  The other dragged Wierdos Limited to Employment Tribunal to recover the bits of his arse that got mercilessly spanked during his tenure. And he won his booty back.

Day 5 of New Job.

In a few hours.Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk!!!!!