The Laws of Booty Gravity

Today is the day my arse has gone panoramic. 

I have put on so much weight those last 2 weeks that whilst walking, I can actually feel‎ the delayed motion of the left arse cheek gravitating back towards the ground, as the right arse cheek attempts to make a glorious escape from its denim prison. 

Note to Self: Must go back to the gym next week or I will be the prime suspect for the ginormous craters suspiciously popping in Siberia right now. 

Oopsie.

50 Shades of Nay

Sunday 15th February 2015 - 3.35pm in Romeo's Bakery in Islington : The Time My Stomach Orgasmed.

Why?

Because I dispatched a swank cheesecake down my oesophagus, sensually tickling my insides all the way down my pristine intestine.

Yummy yummy fattens you long time.

Sunday 15th February 2015 - 5.48pm, in the Vue Cinema in Islington : The Time My Ovaries Stopped Working. 

Why?

Because I watched two planks of wood rubbing on each other, trying to set themselves on fire, not realising that 50 shades of grey wood totally points towards necrosis of the ugly appendages, and thus inability to ignite any sort of lust.

Sucky sucky drags you long time.

That was pretty much my Sunday : getting fat and gathering momentum towards my Cat Lady status.