Romance Is Brain Dead

Before I go through updating this blog retrospectively like crazy with my February shenanigans (which involve Christmas steak, corporate whoredom and Berlin awesomeness), I couldn't help but share this snippet of my love life as of 07/02/2016.

Because you know, 'cherish the moments' and all that shit.

May this also serve as a warning to any potential douchebag who is tempted to gain access to my Celebration Cave without even bothering with the Journey. I am sick of these things who walk around with a frontal accordeon which is permanently disconnected from the cortex and constantly needs tuning up.

Yes, I did just describe a penis as a frontal untuned accordeon. Apparently the owners are supposed to make us howl sweet music with it, but as far as I am concerned, it is all symphony of destruction from the moment their chat up line involves buccal matters.

My Temple of Doom is worth the trip lazy fuckers!

Chastity Belle(nd) Failure

Enough said.

What happened on Sunday 10th January will remain in the muscle memory of My lady cave and removed from the memory of My lady brain.

Damnit! Why can't I get to share embarrassing body slapping moments with a nice guy instead?

Meh.

I hereby promise to Myself and My knickers that we will rise high ...higher than Simon Cowell's trousers and Chuck Norris' mullet.

New Year Resolutions : 2016 Bad Bitch Edition

1. Continue to be a Bad Bitch
2. Discard obnoxious dong owners and do not give them the time of the day because of rule number 1
3. Eat healthily ... and that does includes chicken pad thai
4. Get my taekwondo Black Belt, and in general, practice more - and it doesnt matter if it involves breaking bitches instead of boards
5. Do more travel, and that does mean in a perimeter outside the Kingdom of London
6. Be proud of my black wardrobe and use more of my metal bling (not in people's face, for that see point 4)
7. Keep a circle of friends made of people who matter, not facebook critters
8. Stop playing Lady Save-A-Hoe , unless I get paid for it
9. Cook more from scratch, and that does also include chicken pad thai
10. Marry Christian Bale and party in our kinky dungeon

Oh yeah baby!